10 Kids’ TV Shows More ‘Amoral’ Than ‘SpongeBob SquarePants’

In a recent article, SpongeBob SquarePants was dubbed “amoral” in the Ukraine based on the reasoning that the title character “promotes homosexuality” and is “trying to turn Ukraine children into criminals and perverts.”

Uh, what? OK, so maybe Mr. SquarePants doesn’t completely have his ish together considering he’s approximately 30 years old, lives alone in a pineapple with his pet snail and spends most of his time catching bubbles. But, BIG DEAL. That doesn't make him a criminal, pervert or -- dare I say it? -- a homosexual (oh no she di’int!).

Apparently SpongeBob is just the tip of the amoral iceberg, however, because he isn’t the only one in trouble with the Ukraine. Other shows like The Simpsons, Pokemon, Futurama, and The Teletubbies also do not meet the morality code according to the National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality.

I don’t have an argument in defense of The Teletubbies because well, let’s be serious. But The Simpsons? Futurama? Come on, if you’re going to pick on television shows from a morality standpoint, why not pick on the ones that are actually creepy and weird? Ill-fitted subtext in cartoons and children’s programs has been around for years. I spent several years of my childhood taking advice from a giant purple dinosaur for crying out loud.

All I’m saying, Ukraine, is that I think we can do better than SpongeBob when it comes to amorality. So please allow me to nominate the following TV shows to assist in the demise of your virtuosity and corruption of youth.

The Wiggles

No words necessary.

Rocko’s Modern Life

Last time I checked, a “Peeping Tom” definitely falls into the amoral category.

The Wild Thornberrys

No one in this show seems to care that the children are skipping school like, every day, or that they camp out in the middle of fields where lions could eat their faces off, or that, according to the 33-second mark in this video, they’re raising an autistic Tarzan.

Rugrats

We’re all apparently OK with the fact that these babies have stayed the same age for THIRTEEN YEARS.  Also, there is a really depressing Rugrats theory out there, too.

He-Man

It seems like we should be past whining about homosexual undertones in television at this day and age, but if anyone’s going to call out SpongeBob for that, they better be sure they don’t forget to mention He-Man, the original master of homoerotic connotation. This video isn’t an actual He-Man clip, but it’s a pretty spot-on interpretation, and one of my favorite videos on the Internet.

The Doodlebops

This is literally a nightmare I had before.

Magic School Bus

A teacher who thinks it’s totally cool to pile a bunch of kids on a moving vehicle, shrink them to microscopic sizes without permission slips from their parents, and then fly into stranger’s BODY PARTS is a little more disturbing than a cute sponge just trying to get by in the ocean.

Bananas in Pajamas

You know, just two pieces of fruit in pajamas tickling each other with feather dusters.

Boobah

Is this a show teaching children how to drop acid?

Ren & Stimpy

Because, really, this (embedding's disabled -- plus, we don't want to unintentionally scar you -- so just click the link!).